I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
