i'm signing you up for texting rehab
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
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