its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
