i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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