i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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