I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
