His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Randomize
