Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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