I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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