Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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