Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
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