I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Randomize
