She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
