four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
