But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
