we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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