I accidentally burped into my bong.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
