Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
