She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
