last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Randomize
