Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
do nipples grow back?
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