Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Randomize
