I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
