im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
