You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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