i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
