Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
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