I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
