the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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