Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
