just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
