I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
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