Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
