If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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