So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
