it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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