Say something about gay babies.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
