College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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