I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
