Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
