"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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