I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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