just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
