I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
