I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
He felt like a one man threesome
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
