dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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