Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
