The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
