dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
