he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
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