dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
