Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
